Worth the work!

So I wanted to shares some stuff that has been on my mind...

This is such hard work...I don't know if you can even imagine, without going through it, how much work I am putting into losing weight, changing my lifestyle and keeping it off! However, it is worth it! The results are amazing, and I often attribute the results to the surgery, but I have realized recently, that I have so much to do with it, my choices, my dedication and my work shouldn't be discounted because of the surgery. I feel like some people, not people in my life necessarily, really do look at weight loss surgery this way. They feel like it is a quick fix, and that the person can then eat whatever they want and not gain weight and just keep losing. I really don't see it that way at all.

When I am sitting a restaurant and I can choose anything on the menu and know I can only eat 3-6 bites, depending on what I choose...believe me, the temptation is there to choose the fattiest, high carb thing on the menu, get 3 bites down and be happy. But, I don't. I choose lean protein, veggies, and indulge a little if I can afterward. When I indulge a little too much, as I did yesterday having some tortilla chips before lunch at a Mexican restaurant, I make sure I add my calories and carbs to my food diary and work out a little harder to make up for it.

Here are choices I make everyday, that are so important to my health, my weight loss and my lifestyle change being permanent (as opposed to just a diet):

1. Almost no refined sugars, carbs, or starchy foods. They are so rare now, as compared to my previous life, that it would have seemed impossible to me just 7 months ago. I do not eat any rice, pasta, or potatoes in general now, and allow myself a 1/2 a slice of toast every other day. It must be whole wheat, low calorie and only a half of a slice. The majority of my carbs now come from legumes, veggies, and fruit.

2. I limit my carbohydrates to 50-60 carbs a day from all sources, gross carbs, not net carbs. This is tricky, but as long as I stick to healthy foods, that are naturally low in carbs, and not just "Low Carb" labels, I do it easily every single day. (This is my nutritionists recommendation for me, please check with your doctor before lowering you carbs to this level)

3. I eat veggies at as many meals as possible. No iceberg lettuce for me, I stick to spinach, kale, romaine lettuce, and dark greens for my salads whenever possible. I love a small amount of lettuce with protein on top as a salad. I don't add croutons, but love seeds and nuts on top for crunch. I do steamed veggies on the side of main dishes, or incorporate tons of veggies in recipes that I normally wouldn't have added before. Like spaghetti sauce, I add bell peppers, carrots, onions, mushrooms, and zucchini to the sauce and puree it up. (Bonus: my kids don't know it is full of veggies!) and top zucchini noodles with the sauce and add a little cottage cheese over that for extra protein! I also make homemade mac and cheese, using cauliflower instead of pasta, and add butternut squash, onions, and carrots to the sauce...puree that and no one knows it isn't cheese sauce!

4. I make sure I get at least 80-90 grams of protein a day. Since I can't eat a whole lot, it may not sound like much, but I work out a lot, so I have to get my protein in! I eat protein before veggies at every meal...

5. Speaking of working out, I am at the gym 5 days a week! I do 30 minutes on the Elliptical trainer, at 5-6 mph and then do machines for another 20-30 minutes for toning. I work legs, arms, and core every day I am there. That is a lot of work, but it is worth it!

6. I still park further away from the entrance of stores, I choose activities with my kids that will get us moving, we have dance-a-thons at home and all dance for 10 minutes at a time! We wrestle, run, play, chase each other. Moving around is now normal daily activity for us, and it is a choice I make to incorporate that into our lives!

7. I cook, and plan our home meals a week in advance! We have a weekly menu now, and we eat out very rarely...I plan all our meals, making sure that the kids get all the nutrition they need, while my limits are respected as well. Sure my kids eat pasta, and rice, and potatoes. But I make them as healthy as possible, and I make sure whatever main course is happening each day, fits into my needs, so I don't have to scrounge around for food after cooking their meals. I also make sure that I have healthy snacks on had all the time so I am not tempted by foods they might eat. We also stick to whole fruits as desserts as a family, and no fruit juice, unless it is blended real fruit that I make myself, with all the fiber included!

8. I live! I don't completely deprive myself of everything...I allow myself a couple of bites of something if I really want it. I ate a small chocolate chip cookie the other day. I buy Dole dippers dark chocolate covered strawberries and eat 2 of the 4 pieces that come in the package. I allow myself a little something occasionally, so I never feel like I am on a diet. I try to never think of things in an, "I will never allow myself to eat that again" kind of way...because that would make me feel like I am being punished!

So, the surgery made me eat less...but the above are all examples of how I choose to live everyday, so that I can live a healthier, fitter, longer life...all things that the surgery didn't change, but inspired me to change for myself :)

What is Normal?

So I had a big non-scale victory today! I went grocery shopping for the week, and walking through the store I didn't feel "Bigger", for the first time in my life I felt like a normal, slightly overweight mom, just out getting food for my family. I can't tell you how amazing that felt, like I didn't stick out in the crowd, like no one was starting at me and judging me. It felt so nice to just be there, like any other normal person would be.

I realize the shift in my thinking because the last time I weight around 187-188 lbs, which is where I am right now, I felt huge. I felt out of place, lost and I felt like everyone noticed me. It is such a nice feeling to just feel like I blend in, when for so long I felt like the attention was always on me for the wrong reasons. I didn't have anything to prove today, I didn't need anyone to validate me, I wasn't afraid of being an outcast in a world full of beautiful people...I just felt like one of the crowd. What a concept...

Things I wish I knew before weight loss surgery!

So, haven't updated in a while...but there are a couple of things I DO NOT like about losing weight, and I thought I would share them here.

I absolutely hate the feeling of being with other women and getting the sense that they are more uncomfortable with themselves and their bodies, because I am there. I have had this experience more than once. Friends I used to be able to bond with, feel comfortable around, and laugh and even have deep conversations...it feels like they have a tendency to judge themselves again my weight. It hurts, but not because it is directed at me, it isn't. It hurts, because I remember doing it at my highest weight, and I never should have done it! I just want to grab the arms of the women I am sitting with and tell them all the things that I wish I had told myself when I was bigger.

1. You are beautiful just as you are! Weight can come, and go...and does, all the time. What really matters is your authentic and genuine spirit, your beauty is SOOOOO much more than what you look like. The things that make you beautiful, whether you are in a 4X top, or an XS, are the same things!!! Please don't let that pesky number on a scale, or on your pants, make you feel unworthy, ugly, or less than! You are beautiful, and you should know it!

2. What you do with your life, is more important than what you eat! We have all heard the saying, "You are what you eat", Well, I am here to tell you that is a LIE!! You are not what you eat, you are so much more than that. You are a powerful, amazing, talented, giving, intuitive, elegant, gorgeous spark of creation! What you eat, is a choice. It has nothing to do with who you are, or the gifts you have to give to yourself, your family and the world around you.

3. We are not in competition! Life is not a beauty pageant, where women are judged by how skinny they can get, and how pretty they are compared to the other women around them. I know that the media, your mother, your Aunts, your sister(s), your friends, and you have all come to believe that our weight and beauty is constantly being judged by others, but it really isn't. The media has tricked us into believing that what others see, is the definition of who we are...and that couldn't be farther from the truth! Look in the mirror everyday, and say, "That is what beautiful looks like" do that everyday for 30 days, and I bet you will start to see that the brainwashing will start to fade...

4. You are not as fat, as you imagine. This is the biggest one of all of these, and I wish that I would have seen it before I started losing weight. I imagined myself as the biggest woman on the planet. I felt eyes on me all the time when I left my house, when I went to the store. I just knew that everyone was commenting, snickering, and heckling about my weight and how "HUGE" I was...guess what, most of them weren't. There are always jerks somewhere, but for the most part, people are not sitting around thinking, "Wow, there goes the biggest woman I have ever seen", when you are in the room. And if you are in a room with a complete jerk, then it is their problem and not yours. What they think of you, isn't any of your business, as they say!

5. You are loved. There are so many people who loved me just as I was, and still love me the same today. They loved me big, they love me smaller, and if I gained every ounce I have lost back, and then some, they will still love me. Surround yourself with those people...the ones who don't see that you are "overweight", but the ones who really see you. They will love you enough to love yourself, if you will only let them.

Many women may say that I have come to see these things because I have lost weight, but what I want you to know is, I still struggle every single day with these. Because my weight was not the part I struggled with the most. It was my mind. Our minds are so powerful, they can trick us into believing that we are unworthy of love...mine still does. I get into a room with beautiful thin women, and my mind says, "Wow, if only you could look like them, then you would really be beautiful" I have to remind myself of who I really am on a daily basis, because my mind got so lost in what I thought I was, that rediscovering myself is my moment to moment agenda. Can I say that I love myself more than I ever have, right now, in this moment? Yes! And in an hour I might be fighting with my mind again. I hope that one day I will be able to look in the mirror and see my real beauty, and I truly hope that each and every one of you will see it too. No matter what size we happen to be at the time.

I am doing this to be healthy!!

So all my blood work came back normal! My blood pressure is normal, I am out of plus sizes and feeling great! I had this surgery to get healthy and be in normal sized clothes...

This was my goal with the surgery! Reached 3 months out! So why do I not feel done? What part if me thinks that if I am not down to my goal of 150 lbs, I have failed. I have no answer right now...just noticing and wondering...

I tried Premier Protein!!

Finally! Wow, I was pleasantly surprised! The Cytosport I use has only 25 grams of protein for a full serving, but I can only use half because it has a very weird aftertaste! I am so glad I have found something that tastes a bit better, and I can use on days when it is harder to get my protein in. 

In other news, I am in the middle of a stall. Haven't lost anything so far this week, but I have heard it is very normal at 3 months. So I am upping my protein a bit, and getting more water! Hopefully it will pass soon :) 

Also, I have lost so much weight in my face, I now have smile wrinkles!! I will take them, they are just a symbol of how hard I have worked and how healthy I am getting! 

Have a great day everyone!

3 months out! My food today!

I am 3 months out from surgery!!! Down 82.5 lbs since my highest weight and 54.5 lbs down since surgery in just 13 weeks! So I want to share what I am eating, since I almost never share that on my videos.

I start every morning off with a protein shake. I use Cytosport Chocolate 100% Whey protein powder, only a half of a scoop, Unsweetened Vanilla Almond milk - 8 oz. a dash of instant coffee crystals and today I added 1/4 of a medium sized banana and 1/3 of an atkins chocolate royal shake for extra protein! So yummy!

For my snack I did a light string cheese and 2 slices of deli ham. Rolled up with mustard, it is almost like a mini sandwich!

For lunch I made homemade lentils with chopped up Morningstar sausage patties and cooked with onion. So delicious!!

For dinner I will have left over lunch :)

Total calories: 630 Total Carbs: 50, total net carbs: 30, total fat: 23, total protein: 65

That is my day of food :)

Hello World!

So, I started a VSG Blog!!!

I wanted to do this, because there is so much I want to say sometimes that I cannot say on Facebook, or on my videos...it may not be updated regularly, but when I have a lot to say, I will post it here :)

Today I want to talk about Weight loss surgery in general and people who say it is "Taking the easy way out" Which is utter ridiculousness! And here are some of the reasons:

1. Weight loss surgery is only a tool, but I still have to use it!

Having most of my stomach removed has helped me to reduce the amount of food I am eating. I now can only eat 3 ounces of food at a sitting and am eating 4-5 times a day to get as much nutrition as possible. Now, I can choose to eat pasta, rice, fast food, junk food and cookies all day, but I don't. I choose to put healthy food into my body, because this is my second chance at life. I made this choice before I had surgery, but for me, putting my money where my mouth was meant something bigger. It was a way of reinforcing to myself that I meant what I said. I will get healthy and I will make this positive change in my life for my body, for my kids, and for the work I have here to do in the world. You wouldn't tell someone building a house that using a hammer is taking the easy way out...this is the same. I was given a tool to help me with a daunting life change, and I am using it!

2. It is far from "Easy"!

This is by far, one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life. Even I did not know how hard it would be before having surgery. There are so many reasons that I was overweight, my self worth was almost non-existent, my eating habits were based on emotions and how I was feeling that day, I was covering up pain and sadness by stuffing it down with food, I was raised with less than healthy eating habits that stuck with me into adulthood, I had hormonal issues that caused me to lose wight very slowly, so I would get discouraged easily. All of these reasons for overeating and eating badly had to be dealt with...right after surgery. Imagine being forced to deal with all of your childhood demons, your emotional drawbacks and your need to self medicate...right now. The surgery took away my ability to use food as a source of emotional medication. And that is hard!

3. "You can lose weight on your own, you're just not trying hard enough"

Hmmm...yeah, this one is tricky. Because to do this, I would have had to deal with all of my reasons for over eating (See above) and change my diet and lifestyle at the same time to start to lose weight and feel better about myself. This is not impossible, but for me, it seemed like a daunting and impossible task. Yes there are people who do it everyday, I was not one of those people. It is almost like saying, "Oh, you are depressed, well so was I, and I got over it and made myself happy. You don't need medication or counseling, just the right mindset!" I am glad that is working for you, but some people need medication, and therapy...sometimes people need the right tools to get the job done, and everyone has levels of what they can and can't do by themselves...this was something I couldn't do on my own.

4. "Eat Less, and Move more"

This is one of my favorite skits of Mad TV! It seems so true, and simple...If you haven't seen the skit, I highly recommend you look for it on Youtube.com...I almost peed my pants!
This sounds like such a simple thing to do...eat less, and get up off your butt and move. But for a huge amount of people who are overweight, the practicality of it seems overwhelming...So now, I have to deal with the emotional reasons I overeat, put them aside, change my eating habits, change my exercise habits, and take care of kids, spouses, work and everything else I do at the same time. And some people who are overweight CAN'T do it! That just sounds exhausting. After my surgery I was actually able to start small...I was being forced to change my emotional response to food, because my tool wouldn't allow me to use food anymore in this way. I was able to start losing weight and seeing that coming off, I was able to feel better in general and build my self esteem. Then, as my physical ailments were released, I was able to start building new and healthy habits. These habits are forming still and everyday I have to challenge myself to get up, and get out there and make my life what I want it to be. Using this tool, I have been able to gradually do all of the things necessary in my life to make this change, BUT, I STILL DO IT! Everyday it is my choice to live this healthy life, or go back to my old one! The surgery didn't do it, I did!

5. This is my journey, not yours.

What a different world we would live in, if we could just accept that everyone is on a different path. Everything from Religious beliefs, sexual orientation, Career choices...everyone seems to think that their opinions matter to the lives of others. They don't. You don't have to offer support of things you don't agree with something either, but it is very much like Thumper in Bambi...if you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all. Please don't take this the wrong way, you matter as a person, but if you are a true friend to someone, you will not break down their journey and make it all about you. It isn't about you, it isn't your life. You don't know what is going on in the mind, and life of someone else...maybe if you were in their shoes, you would make a different choice, but you aren't. The only person you have control over is you...so make your life amazing in whatever way you deem fit, and let everyone else do the same :)